I have been the most selfish girlfriend for the past week and I’ve ever felt this desperate before. I can’t let him choose because I know what he’ll choose and I know that will be the end of it. I just know it. I love him so much that I will do anything not to lose him. I became more calm at the end of the week and I am happy that I love my boyfriend and my boyfriend loves me.
Sorry. This is quite confusing. I know. It’s called love. =))
I am feeling rather fresh tonight. :) Good vibes~
I am just glad that I have these guys. Without them, I probably would have gone through this night in tears.
Thank you guys. I really love you all. All of you are so different from each another, yet you all got me so flustered every time I see you. <3
Exo | BigBang | BTOB | MyName | Infinite | Vixx
Selfish and Clingy
This second semester, I never thought that I would gain these permanent people around me. I always have these guys with me when I’m eating lunch, when we have vacant hours without class, when going home and even when I’m at my dorm! I don’t complain about them. The thing is I became attached to them. They have become my friends and I don’t want to lose them. I am this kind of friend. I am so loyal and clingy and selfish about them.
There is this problem. My guy friend is going to transfer to another university in Palawan or Batangas because he wants to take Petroleum Engineering. We’re still joking that he’s not gonna get there because he’s gonna fail here something like that but I know that he will. I am quite tearing up while writing this because I won’t be able to see him more often anymore. He acts as a baby to the group, he always clings to our arms and he really nice. I will miss him dearly. I don’t want him to go. But who am I to get in the way of what he really wants?
Another is this girl friend of mine since first semester. We have been always together since first semester because we have the almost the classes everyday. We are both hyper and we are both loud. Even though we get together most of the times, we’re actually opposites. She likes memorizing and sciences, I like math. I like commitments, she doesn’t. I’m clingy, she’s not. She has a vibe that tells is really opposite of me but I like her for that. This afternoon, she told me that she will be shifting to another course that doesn’t have anymore Math. Then she tells me “thank you for everything” messages and I feel like everybody is leaving me. Is it because of my attitude? I don’t know. But then again, who am I to stop her dreams?
I reflect on my self and wonder. Why is this happening in my life? I know I won’t lose them permanently but it feels like it really is GOOD BYE. I hate good byes especially if these guys are the ones that’s going to say that and leave me. I hope that even though we’re going to be apart in the future, we’ll still have time to hang out.
*cries in bed*
I never thought that I would feel this “in love” again. I wish tonight never ended. I wish we could just be there in the hallway, slow dancing and having this magical force field that makes us only see each other. Making us revolve around each other only. I can see a clear future ahead of us. I wish we could just be frozen in this time. No lust. Just pure love.
Good or Bad?
This past January, I changed. I don’t know if it is for the good or for the bad. One thing is for sure, I enjoyed every moment of it. :)
I became a real K-pop fan. Hmm, how should I explain this? :)) Actually, I was already a K-pop fan when I was a sophomore and it subsided until this January. Although, I am already a fan of Big Bang, I started to look at other K-pop groups and my roommates introduced me to EXO. :)
This good-looking, talented and hilarious lads became my inspiration these past few weeks and they also made me not miss my boyfriend that much. It was very uplifting watching them dance because they have some rad choreography. They also have great voices, each and every one of them. And currently, they have their first program which is “EXO Showtime!” Unfortunately, next week will be the last episode of their program which made me agitate with sadness. </3 Good part:I enjoy every song they have from their debut song, “MAMA” up to the songs they had at their last comeback which are “Miracles in December”, “Christmas Day” and “First Snow”. I know their Korean but it tells something. The tune itself would suffice. I also love every one of their attitudes. I know they’re all different but they’re cute it in own way and it makes my heart go giddy. <3 Bad part:Not all of my friends and family like the fact that I am a K-pop fan. They’re like, “Jeje mo!” or “Loser”. What makes it hurt the most are the negative comments I received from my family. Although I know, they’re just trying to say that to protect me or what, it still hurt. But even though they’re like that, I’m still trying to balance me being a fan and me being a family member so that I can communicate with them.
I became less and less active in my organization.I am quite flustered with this change. I just have focused more on my LRP (Library Research Paper), that’s why I became less active. I also have felt that I have been mean to my batch mates, so I decided to lay low. Good part:I have been in touch with my other friends and roommates as well than last December which is good. :) I also gained some new friends which is great. I also see them occasionally and bump into them during classes which is good. :D Bad part: I have not been active thus, I have missed a lot of GAs (General Assembly). I also have not been in touch with some of my org mates, which made me slightly out of place when I’m with them. So in short, I’ve become a lot less comfortable with them. I feel so bad because it is all my fault. But nonetheless, I will go and be active again. :) Yeheeeet. :D
If this continues. I will have to end it. I don’t like being treated this way.
You that feeling that you’re so happy you can’t tell why? That’s the feeling of being in love. You always feel complete, like no one can stand in your way. Every time you think about something, it’s always that person who goes into your mind. You go crazy about this person. Then you tell your friends about your quality time with your special someone and feel giddy about it. We all love that feeling. You can almost see your future with this person because you trust this person with your secrets and with your problems. When you get involved with someone, a part of you is being a part of this person as well.
Then one day, this person just goes distant. You wonder what you did wrong. You wonder what happened with this person. Is he/she okay? Is he/she got hurt? You ask about why this person got so distant, then he/she tells you that it’s your fault. WHY? Then you reflect. You ask yourself, “What did I do wrong?” “What did I say?” “Why is he/she mad at me?” You go crazy again about this person and why did he/she got pissed then you just go back to being strangers.
After days of being broken up, you heal your heart, discover yourself and reflect. “Did I really do something wrong?”, you ask yourself. Then you’ll know deep inside you that you did NOTHING wrong. You just got manipulated by this person so that you’ll feel guilty about yourself. This person just used love so that it can hurt. This person is a predator and you became its prey. It used a bait and it’s called love. The nerve of that animal using love as bait! And now that you’ve been beaten up and your heart’s been torn to pieces, it’s like you don’t want to love again and we all felt and will feel this again and again.
But you know what? That is not the only predator that will go after you. This time, you’ll be stronger. You’ll be wiser and you’ll be ready. Ready to fight.